Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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