She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
