i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
