I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
