dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
