Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
