I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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