the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
