drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
