Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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