My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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