Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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