i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
