someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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