# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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