distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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