trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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