if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize