Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
