I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
