I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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