Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
