it was like eating out sand paper
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
