I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
