Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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