After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
