If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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