Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
