Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
