dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
