I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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