Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
