dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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