you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
