So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
