Im at strip club and am horny
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
