Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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