I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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