It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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