she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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