It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
