I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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