I wish my penis had an off switch
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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