I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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