I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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