When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She even gives head with a lisp.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
