I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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