I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
