A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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