I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
