i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
