If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
