i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
