She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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