the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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