I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
