please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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