peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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