Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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