I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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