He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
