I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
