what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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