I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i now understand why vodka
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
