you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
