Can Purell be used as lube?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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