I'm gonna have a badass scar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
