he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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