I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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