Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
